Man About Town - Missing

Published in Beartown Voice - March 2025

By Mark Edwardson

Let me start by apologising for my absence from last month’s edition of Beartown Voice. Somewhat reassuringly, quite a few regular and keen-eyed readers have been in contact to enquire about my no-show. I humbly appreciate their concern. One asked if I’d been on an exotic trip to a remote rainforest with no internet connection. A few others, who know me well, simply assumed I’d forgotten to submit my article in good time. Uncharacteristically for me it wasn’t absent mindedness but there was an international flavour to events.

I was AWOL entirely due to two accidents in two different countries within the space of four days. That is entirely in character for your clumsy fool of a scribe.

So, what happened? I was in Scotland to visit my sister with my dad. We decided to do a grand tour to take in the sights and landmarks of this most magnificent country.

The journey started well enough. We left Doune, near Stirling, just after breakfast. Within the hour we’d reached the breathtaking southern edge of Rannoch Moor.

It’s often described as Western Europe’s last wilderness. With snow capped mountains to the north and the small mounds and rocky outcrops of a landscape relatively recently ravaged by glaciation it’s the definition of “desolate”.

We went as far afield as Oban and the glen where James Bond and “M” escaped to in “Skyfall”.

Our final stop was a magnificent view of Glencoe. Dad, who’s 81, decided he’d stay in the car while my sister and I went for a look. “Fair enough” we thought. With the day’s final photo captured, we made our way back to the car. We’d spent the day making sure dad didn’t trip, fall or break anything in the icy conditions. However, it didn’t stop me from slipping and breaking my shoulder. Ouch.

The day after we returned and headed straight for A&E. They gave me painkillers and said they’d call me in a week or so which is standard practice. Trouble is, four days later I attempted to descend the stairs, slipped again and couldn’t stop myself from hitting every step on the way down.

Worried I’d jarred my shoulder I completely missed the fact my left leg wouldn’t work. With the realisation I’d fractured my hip came a wave of excruciating pain.

That led to three weeks in hospital. And I should say everyone there was fantastic despite my mardy behaviour.

So, what do I have to show for it? The X-ray images of the surgeons’ work on my shoulder and hip are a bit too graphic to share here. The pictures make it appear I’ve been merged with Blackpool Tower. There’s so much metal propping me up one of the kids remarked that I look like Arnie’s famous character from “The Terminator”. I’ll take it as a compliment.

Now it’s a race to be ready for a foreign holiday. I’m not that bothered about where I go but I am looking forward to the reaction I’ll get from the airport scanner operators!

All information correct as of March 2025.